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ISSUE 1 video shoot but thats the

Tainted Lime Reviews Issue #1

January 4, 2002

This is my first set of reviews of stories found in

alt.sex.stories.moderated. While I rate stories from one to five

stars, I am a lot more comfortable with the text of the reviews

than I am of assigning a numerical ratings - readers, please

don't go on the star ratings alone.

---

Stories reviewed in this issue:

Anniversary Party, by Don (* * *)

Twelve Nights, by Wiseguy (* * * *)

Minivan, by thx2600 (* *)

Blame it on "Ed", by Meme Mispelt (* * * * *)

A Teenage Fantasy, by dpph dpph (* * *)

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{ASSM} Anniversary Party (Ellen and Suzi #8) MFMF MF rom

By Don <roscoeny38@yahoo.com>

http://assm.asstr.org/Year2001/34297

This is the final installment of the "Ellen & Suzi" series posted

by this author. I haven't read the entire series, so I was

overwhelmed at first by the long list of characters and the

relationships between them. Fortunately, the tangle of names

doesn't matter much, as most of the characters quickly disperse.

I was left with the sisters Ellen and Suzi, along with their SOs,

Keith and Dave.

Thus begins the MFMF part of this story, which takes place on the

deck of a cabin overlooking a quiet lake. Sex occurs among the

participants in just about every permutation. Afterwards, Dave

makes a toast: "To the sexiest couple ever, Keith and Suzi. Long

may you enjoy each other, and long may we enjoy you." Indeed!

The second half of the story is mostly unrelated to the first

half. Here, Jen is an inexperienced college girl who takes up

with a new beau, Kevin. Jen doesn't have sex on first dates; she

wants to have a relationship. And so the relationship between

Kevin and Jen develops, culminating on Jen's eighteenth birthday,

when you-know-what happens!

This story is competently told. The characters are hazy, possibly

because I haven't read the entire series. The paragraphs were not

separated by blank lines, which made the story hard to read in

places. Thankfully, the paragraphs were usually very short, so I

was able to navigate the poorly-separated paragraphs well enough

to finish the story without cursing much.

The sex is hot, although the story does not stand alone too well.

If you like foursomes, don't miss the first half. If you like

eighteen-year-olds getting to know each other, you may like the

second half. If you're a fan of the series, you'll probably like

the whole thing.

Rating: * * *

---

{ASSM} Twelve Nights (MF rom) by Wiseguy

By Wiseguy <wiseguy35@dontspam.hotmail.com>

http://assm.asstr.org/Year2001/34303

I have read stories by Wiseguy before, and I optimistically

opened up "Twelve Nights," confident that I was in for an

enjoyable ride.

But the beginning of "Twelve Nights" was a disappointment. The

sex scene was tepid and not especially smooth. I wondered if this

story had been tossed together quickly, without the author's

usual polish.

Even though I was disappointed, I read on. And I'm very glad I

did!

Once this story gets moving, it is a lot of fun. In the days

immediately following Christmas, Paula is stuck installing a new

computer system at a powerful Washington DC law firm when she'd

rather be home doing the nasty with Ted, her lover.

Most of the story is spent describing Paula's work, which is not

even remotely sexual. But it *is* fascinating, and I found myself

enjoying it almost as much as the after-hours interludes.

And while the job is interesting, the point of the story is those

after-hours interludes. Ted has arranged for romantic gifts to be

delivered to Paula's hotel room while she's at work, twelve

different gifts for the twelve days of Christmas. And then they

talk on the phone, tell each other they miss each other, and then

they let their fingers do the walking ...

Come to think of it, Paula doesn't get her twelfth gift until she

comes back home to Ted. Fortunately for Paula, Ted's sexual

preferences have nothing to do with drummer's-drumming or lord's-

a-leaping, so a good time is had by all.

By all means, read this story. Even if the beginning is a little

rough, the story catches its stride very quickly, and the ending

is not to be missed.

Rating: * * * *

---

{ASSM} Minivan (M/F, oral, true)

By thx2600 <breath_of_spirit@hotmail.com>

http://assm.asstr.org/Year2001/34307

I'm not exactly sure who wrote this story. In various places, the

author refers to himself as thx2600, breath_of_spirit, "J", and

Sun Ra, and there are two email addresses

(breath_of_spirit@hotmail.com and Sun_Ra@msn.com). I assume these

are all aliases for the same person, but it is confusing!

After a lovely dinner at a Japanese restaurant, J and Kaye tumble

together in the back of Kaye's minivan for a little - ahem -

dessert. J, you see, loves to lap cunt. Really loves to lap cunt.

And Kaye loves that J loves to lap cunt, as Kaye should.

The writing was abrupt and jarring at times, and the dialogue was

a little unnatural. I suspect the author was trying to get to the

dirty stuff as quickly as possible and skimped on his

transitions. I was also confused a couple times by factual

inconsistencies. Grammar and spelling problems were also an

annoyance.

Which is a shame. There are passages in this story that are truly

inspired, lovely even. When the story gets rolling, the sex is

hot. The pieces of a great story are here, they just aren't put

together well. This is one of those rare stories that could be

improved by being longer. I would encourage the author to spend

the time to give it a good rewrite - I think this story is worth

it.

For readers, if you're willing to overlook some flaws as you scan

through looking for the sex, there is good sex to be had here.

Rating: * *

---

{ASSM} <*> Blame it on "Ed" (Meem17) F FF MF MMF MFF cons toys oral anal caution

By Meme Mispelt <meem17@mwmw.com>

http://assm.asstr.org/Year2001/34309

Forty-something trailer trash deserve their fantasies, too, and

Meme Mispelt delivers to them in style.

When Kenny and Ed spot a slutty punk girl at the local mall, Ed

dares Kenny to invite her to star in their porn video. Of course

this pair of forty-something trailer trash doesn't have a porn

video to shoot, but that's the fun of the dare, right?

Well, it turns out slutty punk girl Lorelei agrees, as long as

she can bring her slutty punk girlfriend Cyndi along. Kenny and

Ed scrounge a video camera from Mitch, rent a hotel room, and the

two slutty young punk girls are soon shooting a real live porn

movie with three overmatched older men.

"Blame it on `Ed'" starts out funny, becomes sexy and kinky, and

ends on a thoughtful note about the aphrodisiacal qualities of

control that I think most readers will enjoy. The "caution" code

is probably deserved, but don't let that scare you off - you

don't want to miss this story.

Rating: * * * * *

---

{ASSM} A Teenage Fantasy

By dpph dpph <dpph2@yahoo.com>

http://assm.asstr.org/Year2001/34318

You can learn everything you need to know about sex by watching

porn, which is proven very nicely by "A Teenage Fantasy." This is

a story about a teenage boy and his infatuation with Amanda, a 16-

year-old walking wet dream. The narrator steals Amanda's panties
out of the girls' locker room, he directs Amanda into the

deserted girls' bathroom to look for them, and the two of them

proceed to fuck and suck their way into orgasmic bliss.

Uneven grammar and spelling detracted from the story at times.

I'm still not sure what "meaded" means, but Amanda seemed to

enjoy it, so who am I to complain? The author would do well to

find a proofreader.

The story has a certain naivet´´ to it that I found charming. It

reads like a teenage boy who is torn between desperately wanting

to lose his cherry and desperately wanting a pretty girl to like

him. While the porn clich´´s are spread too thick for my taste,

this stroke story contains just enough heart to make it more

enjoyable than many of its ilk.



Rating: * * *