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Pregnant Puzzle
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T H E H O M E R V A R G A S S T O R Y A R C H I V E
All in this archive are the property of the author.
They may be downloaded and read by private citizens. They
are not to be used by commercial web sites. Persons using
this material on commercial sites will be vigorously pur-
sued by the "hounds from hell," or my legal team, whichever
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entertainment and should not be accessed by children.
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Pregnant Puzzle (M/F, preg, humor)
Homer Vargas
Vargas111@yahoo.com
Prolific polished prose porn pushers portraying
pronounced procreation-plotting penchants regularly
receive readers' requests regarding recommendations.
Dear Dr. Vargas,
My superheroine girlfriend is pregnant for the first
time. [Amazing photo attached to original letter; too
bad you all can't see it.] It wasn't easy to nail
her, I'll tell you. I finally had to use
[superheroine secret weakness, which cannot be
revealed without disclosing her identity]. From then
on, she was a real sex kitten, just couldn't get
enough. At first, she begged me not to get her
pregnant, but when I made it clear that was the only
way she could keep getting fucked, there was nothing
she could do but count the days util her missed
period. For the last month or so she has been getting
all the usual cravings (pickles by the barrel and
pistachio-prune ice cream by the gallon) and is
happily knitting little pink booties -- TWO SETS!
Last week all her superheroine girlfriends and even a
few vilainesses got together for a baby shower. I was
surprised how many had already started families or
were WELL on the way. Apparently my girlfriend was
one of the last of these virginal beauties to succumb.
The rest were exchanging ribald about how to
use their superpowers or criminal schemes to get laid,
comparing tummies, and teasing the few holdouts about
what they were missing.
I'm overjoyed, of course, seeing this magnificent
woman waddle around the house with that big smooth
tummy filled to bursting, her ballooned up to
38EEE's at least, and a dumb, adoring expression on
her face when she looks at me. As expected, the
pregnancy has made her nicely docile and even hornier.
She has me doing her doggie style most of the time,
"practicing" for when she REALLY gets big. I've
bought her a heavy-duty vibrator to use in between
times. When she gets it going, it draws more power
than the A/C on a hot August day and blows the fuses
right and left, but that's better than her going crazy
or fucking me to death.
The only problem is, she is asking how soon after she
gives birth she can go back to fighting crime? Dr
Luthor, her OB-GYN, just smirks evilly and tells her
to ask me.
John Perplexed
Dear John,
First, congratulation for nailing one of those
superheroines. I don't think those bitches realize
how much frustration they cause fourteen-year
of all ages, flying around in those skimpy outfits,
fighting, and getting tied up and chloroformed.
Millions of "fans" will thank you for taking another
one out of circulation in the best possible way: a
timely delivery of male semen into her super-fertile
twat!
Second, I'm so glad you posed this question. It's one
that I've been getting more and more frequently in
recent years as a number of superheroines (and
villainesses) from the early comic book days are
starting to hear the tick tock of the biological
clock. I'm not detracting from your cleverness in
knocking up your new gf, but her body was obviously
telling her it was time to slow down and become a
Mommy.
Normally it's easier for villainesses to combine a
career in crime with rearing a family, as they have
henchwenches to carry out their evil schemes.
(Apparently, though you just can't GOOD help nowadays,
you can still get EVIL help.) I know of one whose
name, very appropriately, rhymes with "Fatwoman," who
seduced and moved in with an erstwhile hero whom she
keeps busy eating and feeding her hungry puss. Now
she lives in semi retirement, popping out one or two
pointy eared babies every year for her devotedly
overworked love-slave to take care of while she
manages her crime empire from his cave beneath the
stately Wayne Mansion. Superheroines, on the other
hand, have to do all the crime fighting, plot
thwarting, fiendish conspiracy foiling, and world
saving, themselves.
Another consideration is how long it will take her to
regain her figure. You girlfriend seems typical of
superheroines who, having remained impossibly slim for
years, take advantage of 'eating for two' really to
pig out. (Pistachio-prune ice cream? Dios Mio!) If
you can get her to put on 50-60 pounds, that would
take quite a while to work off, especially if you
insist she stay in bed, eat well, drink beer and wine
"for her milk" and get lots of sleep while nursing her
liter. Eating a tipsy superheroine to several nice
orgasms before finishing her off with a full of
cum, will help keep her snoozing away happily.
Further, you need to bear in mind just WHAT is growing
in there. Although villainesses tend to have "happy
accidents" with hunky henchmen or occasionally with a
lucky superhero and therefore to have human or
humanoid babies, superheroines, in my experience are
likely to turn up impregnated by the darndest
assortment of trans-genetic plantamals,
extra-terrestrials, or mutant life forms. No telling
how many little mouths or suckers she'll have to feed
even if there are only one or two offspring.
Also, whereas villainesses usually have only one
kitten or sprout at a time, your typical superheroine
is so fertile, she winds up pregnant with two, three
or four every time she lets a male penis (or proboscis
or tentacle) into her treasure box to pump her full of
his semen (or seed or ichor). From the looks of your
girlfriend at just four months, I think you should
consider yourself lucky; this one (Wonder why the
Woman seems so familiar?) looks like she could be
carrying quints.
In addition to the number and species of the babies
your lover is going to pop, weight gain, and her
ability to delegate her crime-fighting or
crime-committing tasks to others, a superheroine or
villainess also has to take into account how long she
intends to nurse her brood. I would naturally like to
have a face to face (or, better, a mouth to nipple)
interview with your girlfriend before advising, but
again, judging from the mammaries on your SO, I'd say
she's likely to be making milk by the quart for a
couple of years. Have you considered a home dairy
business as a sideline?
Perhaps a cautionary note is in order as well.
Although her semi-super offspring will no doubt be
able to handle the flow, YOU had better be careful
getting frisky while she's breastfeeding; some
superheroines have been know to "leak" with the force
of a firehose. At the least you may want to consider
waterproof sheets and goggles before you get on the
business end of one of those jobbies. You may also
have to modify her costume to allow for a pull-down
nursing top. Of course around the house she can just
go topless, but you will want to take her out in
public frequently to show her off nursing, especially
in a few years when there are several ones in
tow and another one in the cooker.
Finally, and most important, how soon after this first
blessed event do you expect to have her 'in a
way' again (or for the first time if someone --how
long has she been seeing this Dr. Luthor? -- or
someTHING slipped one in ahead of you)? Here let me
offer some advice: ASAP. If those superpowers are
worth anything, her should have snapped back
into shape and be ready to fuck by the time you bring
her back from the hospital. Give her a sperm-filled
welcome home that ensures she doesn't have another
period. Your girlfriend looks sexy enough for at
least twenty or thirty years of regular baby making,
so go for it!
I know that these superheroine types often harbor
desires to continue their careers whereas you, as a
normal, healthy male, would like to keep her barefoot,
pregnant, and chained to the stove. I suggest you
compromise. Keep her pregnant and chained to the
stove alright, but jolly her along by letting her
continue to wear her sexy, if increasingly
over-stretched, costume with those kinky high heels.
(Don't you love the way that Lycra stretches over her
plumped-up form?)
In my experience, after the first six or eight babies,
even superheroines get too busy taking them to nursery
school, check-ups at the pediatrician, morning
kindergarten, soccer practice, and ballet lessons
while cooking, cleaning house, and keeping you fucked
silly, to THINK about crime fighting. There is a
danger, however, that being so busy with child care
may put a dent in even her super-powered libido, as
happens unfortunately with mortal women. For these
cases you should resort to your supply of Kryptonite,
or the magic lasso, or whatever her secret weakness
is, to reassert your right to preg her again if she
gets ideas.
I hope this helps, John.
Sincerely,
Dr. Homer Vargas
Comments, please, to vargas111@yahoo.com
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Thanks
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My are now found on
http://www.storiesonline.net (Thanks Lazeez)
http://www.eroticstories.com (Thanks, Art)
http://www.asstr.org/~Vargas/stories.html (Thanks Kristen)