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Susie Cream Cheese EZ to Spread

Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.

Author: Arthur Kay Title: Susie Cream Cheese: EZ to Spread! Summary: Susie

wants to screw every guy in New York City--without getting herself killed

as Diane Keaton did in Looking for Mr. Goodbar. So, she comes up with her

sure-fire master plan . . . ! Keywords: MF, M+F, WS

WARNING: This story is an act of fiction that contains graphic sexual

descriptions and language. If you are a minor (under 21) or if you are

offended by this kind of material then you should stop reading now. Any

resemblance between this story and a real event is purely coincidental.

The participants are imaginary; their actions have no negative consequences

other than those portrayed in the story. The story is intended for

entertainment only and should not be emulated in the real world.

Susie Cream Cheese: EZ to spread!

by Arthur Kay

You've probably never heard of Susan Wills. For, indeed, in the past

ten years or so she's kept a very low profile. In spite of having had sex

with over 1,500 men from coast to coast.

None of these guys knew, or know, her real name, either. They knew her

by her self-imposed nickname, Ms. Susie Cream Cheese. She'd tell the men,

when they naturally inquired about her odd name, "I'm the girl who's easy

to spread! Just like cream Cheese. Only a lot tastier!"

And spread her they did, over and over, this brown-haired, brown-eyed

cutie. She stood 5' 5" in stocking feet and hadn't an ounce of fat

anywhere on her shapely frame. Her breasts were small, but the nipples

were large and so sensitive they'd be called perky by anyone with any sense

whatsoever.

Add a mouth that looked perfect for kissing (or sucking on something),

an ass that jutted out in a twin bubble pattern, and you can see why most

men would have the hots for her. I know I did. That's how I got her whole

true and unvarnished story.

But she wasn't always known as Susie Cream Cheese, no sirree.

In high school, the most a fella got from Susie was a titty feel or, if

he was a really good boy, a quick handjob. Her pussy was off limits,

Charlie, make no mistake about that. Susie was too concerned about her

reputation in the neighborhood to go beyond a five-fingered assist.

In college, and far from her home turf, Susie had let herself have a tad

more leeway. Leeway enough, you might say, to have her cherry popped. By

a bumbling and fumbling nerdy type who answered to the name of Calvin

Chauncy Cooler. Three Cee to his friends and Cee Cee or Cally to his

family.

Now, what Three Cee, or Cee Cee, or Cally, take your pick, lacked in

sexual finesse, he made up for by having just enough pecker length to bust

her hymen. For keeps, dontcha know. And old Cee Cee, at twenty years

young, admitted to her that he had just lost his virginity, too. You could

say they shared the moment. And a cigarette, too. But not the future.

For Susie dropped him quicker than you could say, ahem, Three Cee, or Cee

Cee, or Cally. Take your pick.

Now, don't you go thinking that this mismatched coupling was an accident

of fate or a sperm of the moment thing. Oh, no! This was a planned

fucking by a master planner. Susie knew Calvin was controllable, being

such a nerd and all, could do what was necessary, and wouldn't put up much

of an argument when she lowered the boom on him. And she was right. old
Cal simply moved on, sorrier for doing so, but with at least one real fuck

under his belt and to his personal credit.

Susie loved the freedom that being at college gave her and, with her

hormones raging up a storm, intended to take full advantage of the

situation. But first she needed to protect herself from getting pregnant.

A thought brought to scary light when her next period after her Calvin

fiasco was a few days late. So she tried a diaphragm. It was awkward and

putting it in killed the passion of the moment somewhat, but she knew it

was a necessity.

Now, being a master planner, Susie didn't go slam-banging into the

college world, fucking here and there without regards for her personal

space. Oh, no, she chose her men very carefully and, you guessed it, they

were all the nerdy type. men who, if they chose to spread nasty rumors

about her, had very little chance of being believed.

And, proceeding slowly, she let only three such men try out her new

diaphragm thingy. Once each, but no more. She was finding her way and

testing things out. They could have used her patience and planning

abilities for the Normandy invasion in World War two.

Then along came birth control pills and the sexual revolution. Well,

lordy, lordy, you could measure the speed of light by how fast she got a

prescription and had it filled. Susie felt, at the time, that mankind had

introduced the pills and the new sexual attitudes with her specifically in

mind. As she had said to her roomie, more than once, "A pill a day let's

you fuck away! Hooray! Hooray!"

Susie tested the pill's efficacy on eight nerdy men in such rapid

succession their heads are probably still spinning today when merely

thinking about their encounters with her. But then, wouldn't you know it,

she fell in love. The head over heels kind of love. And with the eighth

nerd, no less.

His name was Gregory Wills. He was nerdy, to be sure, but somehow he

seemed less so to a girl in love. Oh, yeah, he wore thick, horn-rimmed

glasses, a nerdy-nerdy pocket protector, and funny, ill fitting, out of

fashion clothing, but he was also tall and nicely built. Throw an 8" +

boner with the ability to use it quite well into the mix and--voila! Love.

Or close enough to it.

Thus far I've omitted any reference to oral sex, or as you pervs say,

cocksucking and pussy eating. You see, Susie, in a decidedly prudish vein,

was saving her mouth, and its sweet potential, for the man of her dreams.

Silly goose!

While she had fantasized about sucking a dick, had even read up on

technique, and had discussed the subject in great detail with her roommate,

Willa, thus far the only thing to enter her mouth in oral giving fashion

was a practice banana now and then. With the skin on, naturally.

Since, as they say, practice makes perfect, Susie was soon able to

deep-throat the biggest bananas available from the supermarket. If 10"

bananas could talk, they'd undoubtedly say to the rest of the yellow bunch,

"Whatta mouth, whatta throat!"

That was the exact words that gushed out of Greg the first time she

sprang her oral talents on him. He yelled them out just a few seconds

before he blasted her mouth with his nerdy cum. A taste that Susie found

to be unbelievably delicious.

Whether it was her love for Greg or not, the session firmly established

two truisms in her brain: She loved sucking cock and she loved swallowing

cum. Even more than actual fucking, which she found to be okay, but

nowhere near as pleasant as a cock in the mouth. And her orgasms while

sucking away were more intense than the ones she got from mere screwing

Whatever her sexual likes, she and Greg fucked and sucked like rabbits,

right up to, and through, their elopement one fine weekend. One of those

four-day long weekends. The B&B the Wills' honeymooned at had a marriage

suite and the two of them saw nothing else the whole time there. To Susie,

her Greg was an animal who matched her thrust for thrust. The new Mrs.

Wills was in cum heaven.

However, heaven lasted only three months. Then Greg started getting

tired. Very tired. Holding down a part-time job and with classes and all,

the poor boy was whipped all the time. He'd come home to the little room

they had rented over someone's garage and just collapse on the couch. He

called it playing blob. "I'm bushed, baby, I just want to play blob

tonight and watch some TV. OK?"

No, it was not OK. Not by a long shot and certainly not to a recently

wedded hot and horny gal. Naturally, argument after argument ensued and

the marriage went quickly on the old friggin' rocks of divorce. Goodbye,

Greg, it's been fun, but I got some serious fucking to do. That, she told

me, was loosely in her thoughts at the time.

Well, once again free, she fiddled around with a handful of guys here

and there, with her heart not fully in it, until graduation day. She

wasn't out of college even a week when she landed a job at a manufacturer

of women's clothing. Right in the heart of the silk stocking district of

New York City. As a trainee in the sales department.

She learned quickly and, with her natural planning talents, was promoted

to assistant buyer in less than a year. She had found her career niche in

life.

But, naturally, she still had volatile hormones and they spoke to her

each and every day. "You need some fucking and sucking, girl!" they seemed

to scream out. "So, go and get you some before someone else uses it all

up." She wanted to, badly, but she had just finished reading Judith

Rossner's "Looking For Mr. Goodbar" and it had thrown a fitful scare into

her.

This allegedly true story of a plain Jane schoolteacher who trolls the

seedy singles bars at night looking for sex only to die at the hands of a

psychopathic killer, well, it was just too vivid and horrifying to Susie. A

girl had to be careful.

When the movie came out, with Diane Keaton as the schoolmarm, Tom

Berenger as the loony, and Tuesday Weld as her sister, Susie resisted going

to see it. But when she learned that Richard Gere, that hunky hunk of a

hunk, was also in it, she weakened and went to see it . . . with a

girlfriend, of course.

The movie hammered the point home, even more so than the book, that a

horny girl could get her ass killed . . . in a heartbeat . . . by

indiscriminate sex with total strangers.

Unless . . .

Unless the playing field, the sex arena, could be controlled somehow.

That eliminated singles bars of any stripe. Too dangerous by their very

open nature, their willingness to let all and anyone pass through their

doors. They made no attempt to (how could they and why should they?) keep

out the riffraff, the hoi polloi and, most assuredly, your everyday

run-of-the-mill psychopathic or sociopathic maniac.

Yes, singles bars sucked, but she knew just where some fairly safe

places to meet men existed. She'd learned that little fact from attending

out-of-town sales meetings for the company's buyers.

Hotel bars. With wall-to-wall men. Well-dressed businessmen in suit

and tie. In town on business. men who were probably married which made

them even more attractive to her as there would be no sloppy breaking up

scenes later on. And the out-of-town aspect fit in well, too. There would

be no, "Let's start an affair!" crap. No crimping on her time, either.

She'd be as free as a bird. With the chances of running into some lunatic

very remote, if not damn near impossible.

The more Susie thought about it, the more she liked the idea. If she

played it correctly, choosing only men from outside the state, she saw the

possibility of ending up with her own personal stable of horny, dick-hard

studs who would, while sexually agitated for sure, call her up from time to

time to say they were in town and would just love her company. "Let's do

(pant, pant) lunch. (pant, pant) I'm in room 1213 (pant, pant) at the

Ramada (pant, pant) on 38th."

Oh, yeah, and they'd be more than hot to trot and glad to see her when

she crossed their hotel room's doorway. They'd be slobbering up a storm

just thinking about getting between mamma's thighs. No fucking sofa blobs

here. And any potential blob that dared to pop up could be eliminated in a

New York second.



All she had to make sure of was that no man ever had her real home

address or home phone number. She'd give them a false name and a work

phone number that only she would answer. Because she had her own private

phone line at work (thank you, boss!) it would be easy to assign one of the

three extensions, that she never used anyway, to her new name.

That's when the delicious idea of calling herself Susie Cream Cheese

came to life. It would telegraph to each man that all she was interested

in was a fucking and not a long-term romance. If they thought her to be a

downright slut, well, fuck 'em! Who cared? No one else would know but

these men and herself. Could it, she thought, be any better than this?

Yeah, but only if a place existed where she could order up a large-size

cock with a big balls topping the way you do a pizza.

Thus emerged Susie Cream Cheese, the EZ to spread girl. With a

sure-fire plan that she knew could be honed to an exquisitely fine art.

Thus, with this plan burning up her brain, she quickly added a new file to

her computer. Not for phone numbers and addresses, but for men's' names

and a limited smattering of personal data.

A brief physical description, their sexual preferences and even cock

size would also be noted. In her own code, of course. Based on the ABC's,

similar to the code she used for dress orders. Anyone stumbling across the

file, which was named, simply enough, Buyer Meetings, would surmise it was

just that, business shit--not even worth a second glance.

A = Anal. B = Blowjob. C = Cunnilingus. D = Dick size. There was no

point in encoding Fucking with an F as they would all surely do that to

her.

However, as time went on, she did add M = Missionary, DS = Doggy Style,

and MOT = Me On Top. All three positions would simply be coded as ALL.

And at one point, she also added HC for Heavy Cummer. Thus, a typical

entry might be:

Tom, 6.1, Arizona, Hilton (34th), B, C, D7," ALL, HC. 4x.

The 4x, of course, meant they had gotten together four times. And, when

a guy called on her extension, she would simply whisper, breathlessly,

"Susie Cream Cheese, how may I help you?" Giggling thrown in for good

measure. At the same time she'd pull up the Buyer Meetings file on her

PC's screen as a memory refresher--if it was at all necessary.

Although, at this point, she was eager and ready to try her ideas out

and even knew the hotel bar she planned to start with, The Kensington, she

was in no hurry. There were other aspects to consider first. And to plan

out. So, when she got home to her cozy little apartment that night, she

poured herself a gin and tonic and pulled out a pad and a Bic. And

outlined her game plan . . .

Hotel Bars: Here she made a list of the six she all ready knew about.

More were sure to be added later. She also made a note telling herself not

to hit the same bar twice in any two-week period as bartenders pick up on

shit.

Sit on stool at bar and wait. And, if he as no appeal to me? Simple --

Tell him I'm on my way to a business meeting, pay up and go to the second

choice. She liked that; it gave her even more control over the situation.

She could pick and choose at will.

If appealing to me and not inebriated, find out quickly --

1. Is he staying at this hotel and on business? If not, split.

2. Is he from out of town? If not, split.

3. Size his demeanor up. Happy-go-lucky or sad? Horny innuendos?

Eager to be manipulated sexually? Can he take a sexual hint?

How do I get him to take me to his room? Perhaps -- "I've never stayed

at this hotel before. Are the rooms nice? The view? Of the city?" Corny,

but if he's at all quick-witted, it should do the trick.

And because I do, darling self, want to suck him off and have him unload

in my mouth first -- I need a plan! Susie thought for a while and then hit

on one.

She'd wear a Kotex pad! After the usual preliminary kissing and

fondling, with him all worked to a lather from her playing with his cock

through his trousers, he'd discover the pad soon enough.

Oh, he'd be disappointed at first, but she could handle that by telling

him it was her last day and it would be coming off soon. Give him a light

at the end of the tunnel. But, in the meantime, she didn't want him to

suffer from blue balls, so some line, such as, "I'm sorry I got you so

worked up, but what if I made love to you?" should work.

In case he was truly slow on the uptake, she'd punch home the message by

kneeling down in front of him and unzipping his fly. Bold, but who cares?

He would know in a second that he had a cum slut on his hands, but what guy

would argue the point and say, "Hey, lady, if you think I'm going to let

you suck my cock before we fuck, you've got another guess coming! Get off

your knees and never darken my doorstep again!" Yeah, right! When piglets

are born covered with feathers and owls are used for their bacon strips.

Susie even planned out the best day of the week. Friday, always on a

Friday. This way, the guy willing of course, she could spend the night.

And all of Saturday, too--if she chose. She could leave him on Sunday

morning, right after a scrumptious hotel brunch in the room and a good

Sunday morning fucking and split for home to take care of her personal

things.

This would cover the initial tryst. If the guy called later on and was

in town on a different day, well, she'd handle that on a case-by-case

basis. After all, it was all hers to control, wasn't it? You bet your ass

it was.

Because Friday was the following day, Susie poured herself another drink

and studied what she had written. She was looking for flaws, possible

problems, something that could screw her up. She wasn't worried about her

ability to think standing on her feet, but she liked to preplan, just in

case. You never know.

She saw nothing glaring, but what if a guy wanted her to spend a night,

any night, and she didn't feel like it? Well, that's easy to handle. She

could invent a boyfriend (even a husband!) and say she couldn't stay too

long as she was sure to be missed. "So, buddy, if you wanna fuck me over

the lunch hour, hop to it!" This phantom boyfriend could come, go, and even

change into someone else if the scenario called for it. He could even be

the jealous type, or not, according to her whims. Delicious!

What if the guy noticed that on the last time they met, her period was

on a different time of the month? Do guys ever notice that crap? She

didn't think so, but even if one rare bird did, she'd throw out the fact

that she had a "rolling period." She never knew when the damn thing would

hit. She liked that, too.

All that remained now was the doing. While she probed further for

snares and traps, she fixed a frozen dinner, watched a little TV, did her

toiletries, and went to bed. The excitement of it all, the immense sexual

possibilities, forced her to masturbate herself to sleep. Her orgasm was

stronger that night than any she could remember in recent months. Oh,

yeah, world, here comes the new Susie Cream Cheese! So spread the word as

you spread the girl.

While it would be a tour de force on my part to fill you in on what

Susie did sexually with each of the 1,500 men, it won't happen. Not

because she only filled me in on a handful of men, but for the good reason

that it would get tedious and very boring. So, if you will indulge me, I

will tell you what she told me and no more. And no less, either.

Friday evening found her sitting on a stool in The Kensington, a midtown

hotel bar, her Kotex firmly in place and looking as pretty as a picture.

Having had her shoulder-length brown hair stylishly coifed at a midtown

salon on her lunch hour, with a new manicure, new shoes and purse, she

looked dynamite. Add a pale yellow, breast-hugging, nipple-popping shirt
tucked into a sea green mini-skirt that displayed her shapely legs to their

best advantage and, brother, put that tongue back in your mouth before

someone trips over it.

She hadn't even sat there twenty minutes when a guy walked up and

offered to buy her next drink. In the blink of an eye, she sized him up.

Tall, nice looking, brownish-blond hair that was neatly trimmed, with a

snazzy brown business suit that matched his eyes exactly. He also looked

to be in his late thirties to early forties with broad shoulders that Susie

could easily picture her arms going around. In a nutshell, she found him

to be simply scrumptious. Scrumptious? Hell, she had to concentrate to

keep from salivating on the bar nuts.

She accepted his offer as she swung around in her chair slightly so as

to face him. Both of her cute little knees were now aimed directly at his

crotch.

He introduced himself as Bart, Bart Phillips, from Houston, Texas.

Susie picked up on the fact that he lacked the typical Texas accent.

"Hello, Bart, I'm Susie. But you don't sound like a Texan." She looked

up at him with a sham look of suspicion on her face and one eye cocked. He

chuckled, still standing and not moving into the stool next to her. He

moved toward her slightly until he was just inches away from her knees.

"Hi, Susie, it's nice meeting you." He shook her offered hand gently.

"And no, I wasn't born in Texas. My work put me there. I was born in

Canada. Ontario, to be precise." He moved a tad closer to her. His upper

right leg was now lightly brushing against her right knee. She could feel

the human electricity from his touch and he was now close enough for her to

smell his cologne. Light and nice. There was nothing heavy-handed about

this guy.

Bart took the adjacent stool and moved it slightly toward her so that,

as they chatted away, both his knees now slightly touched both of hers.

Fully and with no pretense that might mean "Oops! Sorry, didn't know what

I was doing." This man knew exactly what he was doing. Susie knew that

fact, too.

They swapped a few lies with each other for a time and then Susie closed

in for the kill.

"I've never stayed at this hotel before, Bart, so tell me, are the rooms

nice and do you have a good view of the city?" The door was now open wide

and it was up to him to come on in. Now, the way she'd said it and the

look she had on her face when she'd said it, coupled with an obvious

forward knee pressure from her to him, simply screamed out, "Take me to

your room, you hunky fuck, and fuck the living shit out of me before I go

crazy and start humping your legs!"

Well, he not only read the signs, he parried them.

"Well, Susie, that's hard for me to say as I haven't taken the time to

notice yet. How about you coming up to my room and we can check it out

together?" He smiled which left no doubt that he had her number. And, from

the slight bulge in his trousers, she had his number, too.

"I'd like that, Bart. Let's pay up and you can lead the way. OK?" At

times, the Let's-Fuck-Like-Rabbits-In-Heat mating dance is no more

complicated than that. And the only way it could have been any easier was

if she had a sign on her that said, "I fuck!" and he had one that said,

"Me, too!"

"OK." was all he said. No more was necessary. Not for a Canadian.

They were hardly into the room when he locked the door and pulled her to

him and kissed her. And not a kiss like one from your grannie, either.

His tongue was all over the inside of her mouth and it was as hot as a

tongue can get. She tongue-dueled him back and felt his hands go to both

of her ass cheeks, squeezing, kneading, spreading the cheeks apart and

pressing them together again. His hands were all over her ass as if he had

done this with her a hundred times before.

He was on fire. As was Susie. Their kisses were just steaming along.

Sloppy wet and hot as blazes. His right hand moved off her ass to go and

fondle her left breast. She moaned and reached down to fondle his cock

through the suit material. It felt as hard as nails as it throbbed in her

grasping hand.

She felt the hand still on her ass going under the mini-skirt and

working its way around to her front. Then fingers were finding their way

into her panties looking for her pussy lips. The fingers were rough but

with gentle overtones. She moaned again, squeezing his cock for emphasis.

Then, Bam! The Kotex firewall made itself known to him. The predicted

moment had arrived.

She breathlessly gave him her little song and dance "period" piece and

fell to her knees in front of him. He signaled it was jake with him by

putting a hand on each of her shoulders as she unzipped his fly.

She looked up at him and the look on his face was hard to read. He was

smiling. A smile that could easily have said, "Go ahead, girl, I know

you're one of those women who likes to suck a guy off first." But Susie

didn't care. She was going to get to suck his cock and have it shoot in

her mouth and that was the plan after all. Wasn't it?

She had initially thought of just taking his dick out and working on it,

but now decided that she wanted to see more of him. She wanted to see his

crotch hair and his strong, tanned legs.

She undid his belt, opened the top button, hooked her fingers in his

underpants and trousers simultaneously and in one tug pulled them down to

his ankles. He reacted by tossing his tie over one shoulder and rolling up

the bottom of his shirt. He now stood in front of her naked from his belly

button down to his socks. The sight of his large balls and hairy crotch

with his very hard 8" erection sticking straight out into space made her

feel swoony and quite giddy. She knew she was gonna love this. Oh, yeah,

the plan was cooking along on all burners.

I remember the day I first met Susie Wills, but not too many of the

minor details. It was at a cocktail party some chichi couple threw for

sixty or more people. Their midtown duplex apartment was crammed with the

artsy advertising world types. Art Directors, copywriters, Account

Executives, PR folk, and so on. I came as one of the art directors because

it was my chosen profession and, as such, I had a duty to attend every

cocktail party I could get an invitation to. A self-imposed duty, to be

sure, but a duty nonetheless. I took duty seriously.

I wasn't there ten minutes when I spotted Susie. Now, I always had my

share of pussy seeing as how I worked with models day in and day out and

they would throw themselves at me to get into a commercial of one kind or

another. I never used my position to sway them into bed with promises of

this role or that. I didn't have to.

On the contrary. I would tell them that I offered them nothing, no

guarantees of a job, so if they chose to do me they shouldn't expect any

favors. They liked the honesty so much they did me anyway. Many of them

more than once. I was sorta cute looking in my way. Irresistible? Not at

all. In fact, I was turned down eight times out of ten. Or, because I

prefer to look at the glass as half full, I scored two times out of ten.

That sounds better, doesn't it? Does to me.

Anyway, there I was, giving Susie the once-over. She was in her early

forties at the time, as was I, and she looked simply delicious. She'd

outgrown the mini-skirts and had a skirt on that came to just an inch or so

above her knees. She had on very little makeup, just enough to enhance,

and she looked, what's the word? Oh, yeah, natural. Just like the girl
next door, whoever the fuck she is.

The pale purple blouse she wore told me that this lady wasn't wearing a

bra tonight. Those nipples! They poked through that sheer fabric and

aimed their twin guns right at me and, I swear, I almost ducked in

self-defense.

As I said, I was getting my fair share of ass; some raving beauties,

too, and it took a bit more than looks to get me aroused. Guess I was

jaded. But looking Susie up and down did it in spades. I felt a bone come

on so quickly it shocked the shit out of me.

Looking back I realize it wasn't because she was a sexpot, far from it,

it was how feminine she seemed. Womanly, if you get the picture. Like

Mother Earth, or the Earth Mother. Take your pick. She was woman

personified, squared.

Well, I wangled a chat out of her and before long we were chummy as to

old friends, or lovers, if you will. We had chemistry. And our joint

chemistry came together and the catalyst was, "We're both over-sexed

fuckers who can't get enough of the horizontal tango!" And, believe or not,

not one word was even mentioned about sex, or even love. It just hung over

us like a cum cloud.

After an hour and a half or so of melding, I asked if I could take her

home. She said sure, she'd like that. So, we got into a cab and I gave

the guy my home address, a fact she picked right up on.

"Art, I thought you said you were taking me home. I live at . . . "

I squeezed her knee as if to shush her and looked deep into her eyes. I

mustered up the cutest, most innocent face I could manage. Shit, standing

alongside me, a cherub would have looked like Charles Manson.

"I didn't say whose home, now did I?" I chuckled, squeezing the knee a

bit for accent. "So, Sue, unless you have a cat or dog to feed, shut up

darlin' and behave yourself and enjoy the ride." She grinned at me. Then

she squeezed the hand I had on her knee and spoke.

"No cat, no dog, and fuck the damn goldfish!" That said, she reached out

and pulled my head toward hers and planted a kiss on me. One of those

kisses that says, "You just got lucky!" And I did. Did I ever.

In my apartment, the first thing she said was, "You have a cat!"

"I do? Where?" I looked around the room.

"Right there, on the couch." She sounded puzzled.

"Oh, him! I keep forgetting he's here as I've only had him fifteen

years."

She laughed. "Schmuck! What's its name?"

"Sam doesn't like strangers to know his name. If you can pet him and he

doesn't rip your arm off, that means it's okay for me to tell you his name.

Go pet him and we'll see." She shot me a glance reserved for lunatics.

Then she went over to Sam, knelt down, and started rubbing his big old
head. I could hear him purring from across the room. She said to him, "Hi,

Sam, now what's your name?" I laughed.

"Hey!" I said. "He likes you! You like him, Susie?"

"Yeah, he's beautiful. What's not to like?" Sam was beautiful. Sleeky

black with evenly matched white stockings on all four paws and a wide

streak of white down the center of his head. At almost three feet in

length from his nose to the base of his tail, he was also quite impressive.

"Good. Take him, he's yours now."

"Huh?"

"Damn cat hasn't paid a dime toward the rent since he's been here. He's

a natural-born freeloader, that one. Oh, wait a sec, I just thought of a

reason why you can't have him, as much as I know you'd like to."

"Not that I would want him, but why not?" We were having fun.

"Well, I shouldn't say this in front of him, but . . . Sam? . . . He's

gay!"

She busted out laughing. "Well, honey, one night with me and old Sam

will get converted!" She had picked his head up and was staring into his

eyes with no more than an inch or so between them. "Right, Sam?" Sam just

purred away very noncommittal like.

"I love it," I said, "when a woman knows her power over the male

species, but don't get too excited, Sue, just because you got him purring

his old male heart out. Sam would purr if a buffalo shit on his head." I

let the imagery hang in the air, but immediately regretted having compared

her touch to buffalo crap. She looked slightly pained. Sometimes funny

can be very unfunny.

"Sorry," I said, trying to recover from my minor barb. "What I meant

was . . . "

"No sweat, darling, you were just on a humor roll and it went rancid.

But now, you do have to pay a small forfeit." She grinned, looking quite

evil and mischievous.

"And that would be?" She stood up, walked over to me, and whispered in

my ear. "I don't want Sam to hear this as he might get jealous, but I want

to suck your cock and have you cum in my mouth before we fuck. OK?" Her

hot breath had given my left ear a hardon. I pulled back from her a step

and looked into both her eyes. She looked beautiful.

"Woman, you're brutal! But fair is fair. However, I hope you'll let me

feed Sam first before you lead me to the slaughter." I tried to look

pleadingly at her. All she did, as an answer, was to smile and nod her

head slightly.

Then she turned toward Sam and said, "While you're eating, Sam, you

don't mind if I eat your master, do you?" Sam blinked. Susie took it as a

sure sign of agreement. "See, it's OK with him!" She giggled and lightly

ran a hand over my crotch area, bumping my erection in the process and

sending a lightning bolt through my ass cheeks.

It wasn't too much later that I was sitting on the edge of my bed with

her kneeling on the floor in front of me. The weird thing was we were both

naked but hadn't even kissed since leaving Sam in the living room. We had

entered the bedroom, stripped down, and then she had led me to the edge of

the bed and shoved me down on it, knelt and started sucking me off. Weird,

but nice in its own way.

Now, I didn't know at the time about her vast experiences, but I

certainly could tell it wasn't her first time. She'd work on the cock head

a bit and then swoop down to my balls, moaning here and there. It goes

without saying that her lips felt unbelievably good.

"You ever do a saliva suck?" I asked. I just love to teach and direct.

She took her mouth from my cock, looked up at me and said, "What's

that?"

"Well, as you know, as you go up and down your saliva builds up. So you

back off a bit and swallow it. With a saliva suck you don't. You just let

it flow out all around my cock and down onto my balls. My cock and your

lips get all sticky like and pretty soon you won't know where my cock

begins and your lips leave off. It's a cock-mouth connection sort of

thing. Zen like, almost." She smiled, nodded and went back to my dick.

A few moments later her saliva was cascading down my cock shaft. It had

a strong effect on her and she was moaning something fierce. The saliva

just kept on coming. Then she pulled her mouth from my cock, saliva

strings following along, and said, "I love it! It feels . . . sexy." I

smiled at her. She asked, "Any other advice, old guru?"

"Yes. If you like the taste of cum . . . " She nodded. "Well, because

we don't want the cum to be cut with too much saliva, I'll tell you when

I'm about to unload. That's the time to swallow your saliva so you get the

full taste. Capish?" She nodded and laughed.

"Art, you sound like a fuckin' chef!" I laughed and said, "Well,

darling, the proof is in the eating."

"Yum, yum!" she said as she placed her mouth back on my cock. Then she

really gave it a workout. As she salivated throughout, she would suck the

cock head with lips, mouth, and tongue, varying the pressure from gentle to

mild to wow! Then she would slowly deep-throat me, moaning away as she

did. All pretenses between us were gone now. I knew she loved sucking cock

and she knew I knew she did. Total freedom had set in between us.

After a few minutes of her exquisite torture I stood up and took her

head in both hands. I slowly started mouth-fucking her, going in halfway

here and there and full depth now and then. We had a fantastic rhythm

going and we were both totally lost in the act. As I looked down at her,

my dick going in and out of her mouth, I saw the most beautiful face in the

world. Then I felt it . . .

"Now, baby, swallow your saliva!" I pulled back until only my cock head

was in her mouth and heard her audibly gulp saliva down just seconds before

my dam burst. "Oh, baby, oh, baby." I said over and over as she moaned on

my dick. And she moaned, too, "Mmm Hmmm." Over and over as I spurted and

spurted into her hot, beautiful mouth. When I was drained she

vacuum-sucked me for a few minutes, following along as I sat back onto the

edge of the bed.

She removed her mouth from me and looked up. As she did, I noticed some

cum had escaped past her lips. She licked it away and said, grinning from

ear to ear, "Betcha Sam can't do that!" I laughed and said, "You're right,

but I didn't hear you purr, either!" She giggled.

She looked so cute I moved my head forward and down and kissed her. Her

mouth was super-soft from the sucking and tasted of hot saliva and cum. As

we kissed, she moaned into my mouth. I let the feeling overtake me and

moaned back. The kiss had me feeling as if I was losing myself into her,

being swallowed whole by her wonderful mouth. My head felt giddy and I

felt a twinge of fear come over me as if I was about to fall in love and

would be exposed and vulnerable to all of love's insane bullshit.

She quickly put an end to that romantic nonsense.

"Art, we're good together, so good it's scary, but I want us to start

out on an honest footing. I'm not looking for love, except the naked kind.

I love to suck and fuck, but I don't want any complications in my life.

Not now . . . or ever." She left it just like that, the "or ever" hanging

out as plain as day. It was my turn.

"Darling, that's fine by me. Shit, I've been married five times and I

sure don't want a sixth, no matter how much I all ready love and adore you.

OK?"

"Five times?" Funny how they pick up on that first thing.

"Yeah. I marry 'em all! That way I don't have to keep asking them for

dates." I laughed a good one at my own wit. She laughed heartily, too.

Well, the ground rules were now established and, yes, we fucked that

night and it was great. But I'll save the details for later. We became

part-time lovers, but more importantly, great friends. We trusted each

other and became confidantes. That's how I learned all about her. And her

Susie Cream Cheese persona. Little by little, over time, it all came out.

And, the more I knew about her, the sexier I found her to be. I'd ask for

every juicy detail, living vicariously through her, and she didn't hesitate

to fill me in. It was wacky and nutty, but very fantastic.

Once, after a good meal, prepared by either of us, as we both were quite

good at the culinary arts, and over a glass of wine, I would ask my

prurient questions. The following is merely a smattering of such

conversations. At some point I started to feel like a lecherous reporter

for Hustler magazine.

"How many men did you end up with?" I trembled as I asked that question.

"Well, in the end, over 1,500. 1,558 if you demand accuracy!" I did, as

if it mattered.

"Jesus!" I said, my eyes wide open. "Even if they came into town just

once a year, that's four or five guys a day! How'd you manage it?" I was

mind-boggled.

"No, hon, it didn't go that way. I discovered early on that two-thirds

or so never called back for a second taste of the cream Cheese. Probably

too much guilt . . . and/or they just didn't want to take the chance that

it might get too complicated for them. You know, fuck up their

well-ordered lives." She grinned at me. "It sure as shit wasn't because

they found me sexually boring!" She laughed. I laughed with her. She was

right about that.

"Tell me," I asked. "How did it usually go?"

"Well, after three years or so, I had so many men calling when they were

in town that I stopped going to the hotel bars altogether. This would go

on for a while and then taper off as guys started feeling the guilts from

cheating on the little woman back in Paducah. Then I would resume the

hotel bar outings until it picked up again. So, it would go like that,

fluctuating between feast and famine."

"Tell me, Sue, what's your favorite kind of cock?" She thought a bit.

"Well, one between 7" and 8" with a nice head. The kind of head that

stands out from the shaft a whole lot. I like a ridge that changes the

shape of my lips as I bump back and forth over it. I adds to my pleasure."

"You ever have a cock head swell up just before it came?"

"Oh, yeah. I like that, too. Doesn't happen often enough to suit me.

Maybe in a quarter of the guys, maybe less than that. I like the way it

adds to the pleasure of my thumb counting."

"Thumb counting?"

"Yeah. I keep my thumb on the base's underside and I can feel his cum
pass under my thumb. I count the spurts. Most guys spurt four or five

times. Some guys, the heavy cummers, spurt seven or more times. This one

guy, Manny from Philly, spurts ten or eleven times. I once held it all in

my mouth, without swallowing, and spit it into a paper cup. He almost

filled the damned thing up! He holds the record, so far." I could see how

he would. She went on.

"The three actions, you know, the cum traveling under my thumb, the head

swelling up, and the first spurt all happen within seconds, but it's so

pleasurable I usually cum right after the second spurt. As he's cumming,

I'm cumming, and it's just euphoric." She put her arms around herself,

closed her eyes and moaned. "Mmm Hmm!"

"And you like to keep your eyes open, right?"

"Oh, yeah, to be sure. I love looking at their pubic hair. And the

cock as it disappears into my mouth. Very pleasurable. I sometimes close

my eyes when I'm cumming, but I open them as soon as I can so I don't miss

anything. Sometimes I can actually see his balls rising up just before he

cums. Delicious!"

"Fill me in, Sue, on that guy from, where was it? Texas? Arizona? The

guy with the biggest schlong you'd ever seen." God, I sounded like a

prick-hungry fag who can't get enough cock descriptions!

"Big Bill. From New Mexico. Fucker had 14" and as big around as my

wrist." She held her arm up. "And he knew how to use it, too. He would

fuck me for hour upon hour. His record with me was six times in four

hours. Of course, he was too wide for me to deep-throat, but that didn't

seem to bother him much." She paused and took a sip of wine. "And, man,

could he cum! In quarts. He came so much I usually had to swallow three

or four times. Unbelievable. And, if he came in my pussy, well, I'd be

dripping out all the way to the john and back. Like Manny. From Philly."

I nodded.

I asked, "Did you ever get double-clutched, you know, two guys at once?"

"Yeah, but just with two particular guys. This guy Teddy called me and

said he was at the blah, blah, hotel in room, blah, blah and would I join

him? I said sure and then he said, 'Would you mind if a friend of mine

joined us?' I didn't even hesitate. All I said was the more the merrier.

Well, I had me a ball that lunch hour." She grinned.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to stop from drooling into my glass of

wine.

"Well, once I was in the room, Teddy introduced the guy to me as Ken.

Then, without another word, they were both all over me, feeling me up, my

ass, my tits, going under my skirt and grabbing my puss-puss, like two

horny lechers." She closed her eyes as if remembering. "Mmm mmm, it was

nice. Two hot guys and four hands working me over. My pussy was dripping

like Niagara Falls! Ooowee!" She shivered.

She opened her eyes, sipped some more and continued her story. As she

spoke I realized she sounded just like something out of a book.

"Well, they stripped me and got naked, too. Then Ken pushed me to my

knees and looked down at me and said: 'You like sucking cock, Susie?' I

looked up at him and said I just loved sucking cock.

"Then Ken said, 'Ted tells me you like to swallow cum first, is that

so?' I said it was. Ken then said something like, 'Good! Now do us both

at the same time and we'll give you two nice loads. Then we're going to

fuck you until you say uncle. OK?' I said it was OK with me.

"So, I sucked them both off, going back and forth from one dick to the

other. They were both so hot it took less than five minutes to get them to

blow off. Ken came first and he was no sooner out of me than Ted put it in

and came. It was all I could do to swallow it all."

"Tell me," I asked. "What did it feel like to suck two dicks at once?"

"It felt fabulous. The taste of their dicks, the smell of their balls,

it was heavenly. I came over and over as I sucked them off. I was so

fucking hot that if one of them had said, 'There are a dozen other guys in

the next room who also want a blowjob, Susie.' I would have said, 'Only

twelve?' I swear!" She told me that Ted and Ken usually came into town

about twice a year and they would do their threesome. A fourth was never

added to the equation.

I had had enough. My dick couldn't take any more. I told her to get

her sweet ass around the table and suck my cock for all it was worth. She

complied and in minutes I flooded her golden mouth with my juice. To me,

it's the only proper way to wrap up a gourmet dinner.

On another occasion, Susie filled me in on her gang-bang episode. I

felt as if she was feeding the tales out to me as she thought the moment to

be right. Shit, the moment, as far as I was concerned, was always right.

But I never raised the issue with her.

Seems this guy Mark, from somewhere, I forget where, came into town and

established that they would spend the weekend together, as they had many

times before. Over dinner he popped out a proposal. And not one of

marriage, either.

"Susie, you love to suck and fuck like no other woman I've ever met.

So, tell me, out of curiosity, how many guys do you think you could fuck,

one after the other, in one session?" He let the question just float around

on its own.

"I don't know." Susie said.

"Six? Seven?"

"Yeah, probably. Why?" He answered the question with another question.

"How about twelve? You think you could suck off and fuck twelve guys?"

He looked absolutely insane, his lips looked parched and he kept running

his tongue over them. Susie thought some.

"Twelve guys? Woo! That's a lot of guys. But I guess . . . yeah, I

could manage it, if I wanted to, that is. Why? You got twelve guys in

mind, Mark?"

He licked his dry lips. "Uh . . . actually . . . I do. guys in my

fly fishing club. They're all going upstate to one of the guy's cabin this

weekend. I couldn't help but tell them how fantastic you were, forgive me,

too much wine at the time, and they were just jumping up and down at the

telling."

He looked at her face and when he didn't see any revulsion there he went

on. "Well, this guy Charlie, you'd like him, Sue, he's real sweet, well,

he asked me to prove you exist at all. Guy shit, you know? To prove it, I

have to get you to come to the cabin and do all of them. Now, if you do,

they said they'd believe all my fishing yarns from here on out. And, if

you do I will be . . . "

"I'll do it, Mark. It sounds like fun." Just like that. That Mark was

slightly flabbergasted is a given, I imagine.

So, there she was, as naked as Eve, on her knees, with twelve equally

naked Adams forming a circle around her. She went from dick to dick around

the circle, sucking and sucking. And, because she had established the

rules from the gitgo, each guy came in her mouth. Twelve loads of salty,

acidic-tasting cum. And she told me she loved each and every drop.

Then the first guy who had cum took her into the bedroom and fucked her.

The rest of the men, in no set order, followed him. While the rest played

penny ante poker, the guy whose turn it was would enter the room and make

love to her in his own special way and manner. It ran the gamut from

tender to gentle to rough and to everything in between. That took care of

Friday night.

Saturday's escapades started right after breakfast. Three guys at a

time went at her. One in her ass, one in her pussy, and one in her mouth.

This was all done on the bed with the rest of the men standing there

watching and playing with themselves.

They did Susie all day Saturday and all day Sunday, all the way to

midnight of each day. It was a fuckathon marathon. They let her nap

whenever she wanted to and when she awoke it was to a wall of hot-ass

erections. She sucked. She fucked. She had hundreds of orgasms. The men
each had four and five a day themselves. In her mouth, her pussy, her ass.

Cum City.

As much as she had enjoyed herself, she informed poor Mark that it

wasn't going to happen again. He protested, but her mind was made up. It

was just too fucking much in her mind.

Right after Susie told me this scenario, I ate her pussy out for twenty

minutes or so, then we sixty-nined and then we fucked like two lunatic

bunnies. As I ate her and fucked her I couldn't help but picture her with

the twelve men. What a scene! Lordy, how I wished I had it on film.

As we laid in bed afterwards, my arms around her, I decided it was time

to introduce her to my penchant for mouth pissing. Most folks think it's

sick, but I ain't like most folks.

"Susie, tell me, did any of your dates ever want to piss in your mouth?"

Lay it out, flat and simple.

"Yeah, a few guys. I told them no and that I thought it was sick. Why?

You into that sort of weird thing?"

"Yes. All five of my wives were, too. I pissed in all their mouths.

They loved it, too. Three of them even told me it was as if I was coming

the world's biggest load." I waited for her response.

"Really? But what about the taste? Ugh! And fucking yucky! Didn't

they all say it tasted like . . . well . . . piss?"

I squeezed her to me. "Well, my dear, like Scotch, it's an acquired

taste, but there are tricks one can do to fool the taste buds somewhat.

Like gargling with Listerine beforehand. Or eating a piece of pickle. It

doesn't totally get rid of the taste, but it makes it . . . let's say . .

. more palatable. Oh, and if I drink two or three beers before I piss, it

actually taste somewhat sweet. Must be the yeast in the beer, I guess." I

waited again, giving her another squeeze.

"Man, Arthur, you are one crazy fucker! I never know what you're going

to come up with next. But, you crazy fuck, you've made it sound almost

nice, so, fuck it, I'm game. I'll try it once and if I don't like it I

ain't doing it again. OK?"

"Bless you, my child. You are a gem. And, come to think of it, I gotta

piss right now! What say we retire to the bathroom, old girl?" I felt her

head nod.

She knelt before me. In the tub, just in case. I pinched the base of

my dick to stop the flow. I looked down at her beautiful face and said,

"Now, I'll just let it spurt a little at a time. At first. I'll do that

just twice because it will start to hurt me if I keep pinching it off more

than that. You swallow twice real quickly like. Then, when I'm going to

flood, start swallowing rapidly. You know, swallow, swallow, swallow. Got

that?" She nodded up at me. She looked petrified, but excited.

"OK," I said. "Now put your mouth on it and we'll do it." She complied

and her hot mouth was wonderful. The idea that I was about to now piss
into it had me on cloud nine. Oh, you beautiful woman, you.

I uncorked the base and let out a spurt. I heard her swallow. I

repeated this and again heard her swallow. She had not complained. So

far, so good. But, it was starting to pain me now.

"You ready for my flood?" I asked quickly, impatient for the answer.

She made an "Mmm Hmm." on my limp, piss-filled penis. "Here we go." I

said.

Aaah, how good it felt to release the pinched off base. I just let it

loose and it was so fine. I looked down at her face as she swallowed and

swallowed to see if I could detect the usual wincing. It wasn't there.

She looked serene and peaceful. Then she lifted my heart right through the

roof. She moaned. A good moan. A moan of total enjoyment. She liked it!

And, as sure as shit, I liked her liking it.

When I had no more piss to give her, she surprised me because she just

kept sucking on me. It felt so nice I was getting hard. I bent over, my

penis leaving her mouth, tilted her head up and kissed her. My tongue

shared the taste of piss with her as we moaned into each other's mouths. I

kept kissing her for a good five minutes before replacing my tongue with my

cock.

She sucked me off and I came in her sweet mouth. "That, old girl, is

what some folks call a piss cocktail with a cum chaser." She laughed and I

followed suit.

Over time, my pissing in her mouth became a routine deal. Sometimes,

Susie would ask me if I had to go. I never failed to oblige the dear woman

who had the ability to constantly surprise me. And she sure surprised me

on one occasion when I happened to be at her apartment.

We had just finished a great meal and I was eager for a new tale of

hers. But she had something better in mind. She told me she had a surprise

for me and I was to wait a sec while she retrieved it. As I sat looking at

a Picasso print on her wall trying to figure out what he was all about, I

had no idea what to expect.

"Here!" she said as she approached me. It was a large photo album. I

put it on my lap, opened it up, and was floored. It was chock-full of

close-up pictures of men's cocks. Some in black and white, but most were

in dazzling skin color. And they were all polaroids.

At the bottom of each picture was a neatly typed label with the guy's

first name and a date. Charles, 11/2/79, Marty, 2/2/80, etc. Well blow me

down!

On the inside front cover was a printed label from the album

manufacturer. It said there were 100 pages in the album which meant 200

usable pages, if you used both the front and back. She had.

I went to the back of the album and saw that, as a guesstimate, she had

filled up around 60 pages or so. With nine pictures per page I

rough-calculated that she had over 1,000 cock shots. Each dick fully erect

and none out of focus. Susie knew her Polaroid photography very well, it

seemed.

Here and there, perhaps every other page, there were two pictures of the

same guy. One with just the guy's cock and one with Susie's mouth on his

cock. In each blowjob shot, she looked as if she had found heaven. A

heaven in which she had her eyes wide open as she stared at pubic hair.

Even her hands added to the heavenly mood. She had her thumb on the

underside of the base and her first two fingers gently on top. Her ring

finger and pinky were poised in the air, resting lightly against his belly,

as if daintily holding a very delicate wine glass.

Anyone, even the world's biggest dufus, would know just from looking

that here was a woman who not only loved giving head she was a virtuoso at

it. An adept artiste of the cocksucking kind. I was beyond amazed, I was

stupified.

As Susie refreshed our wine glasses, I perused page after page after

page. Cock, cock, cock, suck, cock, etcetera. No one, even the greatest

and most famous urologist, had ever seen such an assemblage of men's dicks

as the one I had in my hot little hands. Talk about a tour de force! It

was overwhelming.

I had always known that nature abhorred sameness and monotony, but I

never realized just how much until now. There were very few cocks that

looked alike. Even those that looked like a close match had their

differences. blond pubic hair versus black, veiny as opposed to smooth,

and so forth.

And the mix! There were long and short cocks and medium, too. Fat and

skinny ones. Those that curved up, or down, or even out to the side.

Large cock heads, small cock heads, and some that almost blended into the

shaft. Blunt cock heads, plum shaped ones, or mushroom shapes of all

stripes, and some so big they seemed alien by nature. Even the pee holes

were varied. Small holes, invisible holes, and some so large you could

have stuck a navel gem into them and had room to spare. Amazing.

It was, to totally understate it, some fucking collection. My little

Susie was undoubtedly the cockologist of the century and no doubt would

hold the title far into the next millennium. If anyone ever topped it,

that is.

Then a thought hit me. I felt left out! Ignored even. A tad jealous,

maybe. I felt if anyone's pecker belonged in her treasure trove of boners,

it was mine. Why hadn't she asked if she could Polaroid my cute and cuddly

woody? I looked over at her. I was hurt.

"Why haven't you taken a picture of my little petunia, sweetie?"

She reached behind her chair and brought forth a camera and said,

singsong like, "Smile, you're on Candid Camera!" I laughed. She had

anticipated me so easily I felt as open as the album I had on my lap.

"Now?" was all I could think of to say. Dufus.

"Why not? Get outta them clothes you pervert and let's start clicking!"

Well, she not only took some great shots of my dick and her sucking on

it, but she honored me by making me the only one in the entire album to

have two whole pages, facing each other as a spread. And, if these things

matter, I was also the only one of the boys whose cum was photographed. In

two shots. One with my cum shooting through the air and going into her

open mouth and one showing her mouth open with her tongue all gooey from

the stuff. I was feeling proud.

Well, until I can remember more of her escapades, I'll leave you for

now. Suffice it to say that Susie still answered when one of her boys
strolled into town. Many times, with little coaxing from me, she would

fill me in on all the juicy details. And her exotic tales were always

followed by a rousing game of slap and tickle.

Susie and I were lovers for five years or more before she succumbed to

breast cancer. Shit, I'm the smoker--not her. Not that cancer cares a

rat's ass.

She's been gone ten years now and I still miss her. A day can't go by

without me thinking about her. Her playful ways. And the smell of her.

Her wicked, deliciously evil smile. The sound of her laugh and even the

way she spoke. Christ, I can't remember how many mornings I'd wake up with

the smell of her hair in my nostrils.

I love you Susie Cream Cheese. From the bottom of my soul and more than

all of my five wives put together and beyond the moon. You ever decide to

come back and haunt me, woman, I'd love it and I might even believe in God

again.

And don't you worry none, hon. I used the spare housekey you gave me

and I cleaned up all traces of your erotic adventures, as I'm sure you

would have wanted me to. I didn't just erase your files, I removed the

hard drive altogether, busted it up good and tossed it into the East river.

I couldn't get to your office PC, but as you said those files had no

erotica of any kind on them. And your wonderland photo album? I didn't

have the heart to burn it, sweets. It resides under my bed in a drawer.

And, as you probably suspect, I take it out often and beat my meat while

looking at the pictures and thinking of you.

If I kick the bucket and someone stumbles on it, they'll merely think

I'm weird or gay, or both. But fuck 'em where they breathe, girl, for I

don't care a fig.

Writing all this, Susie dear, has me, ahem, in the mood. I think I'll

go and get me some pictures to drool over. Ta ta, darling.

End. Susie Cream Cheese: EZ to spread!